I know your good
I know your right
I know you mean the best
everytime you stop by
dont know what to say
or know how to act
cause i'm still moved by you
cause you just have to ask

No it doesn't hurt
unless I walk
I dont feel pain
unless I try to talk
I dont even cry
unless I open my eyes
I don't need to kick or scream or curse
No, it doesn't hurt

You dont have to call
to make sure I'm up
cause i'm still wide awake
cause i'm still lost in shock
I know your concerned
I know your just sick
and I know you'd feel better
if I were over it

"We left campus pretty late, weaving through side streets, past an outdoor bar spilling with students standing awkwardly next to each other, dressed for mating, cackling like birds"
-Donald Miller Ch10 'To own a dragon'

Wow talk about a 180. Not seeing Jared anymore.... umm kind of have an on/off thing with Hakim... which is really weird. I don't see it going anywhere and i really don't want it to the more i think of it. I still can't deal with dating two people at once which luckily isn't the case anymore. I need to be on campus more i've decided.
Jan-Michael and me have been talking more which is cool because we were such good friends in Canada and when he came out during the summer.
Umm school is okay but i'm freaking out because i have two chem quizzes and a philosophy quiz and right now both subjects are confusing me.
Also i guess i'm joining the track team. Details are getting made tomorrow morning. It's pretty freakin insane considering my school is div.1 in track&field. Though i think for my first year i'll just be training which is pretty intense. I'm excited to be part of an official team again though!! Besides that i've been staying in a lot more. Though that'll change as my schedule and obligations shift.
I'm meeting so many new people but i like suck at remembering them :(. I also want to change my hair. but i dunno what i want exactly. It's so annoying to have short hair!
Also last friday i attended Ashaley's burial service. I was a mess like all week and a lot of times now i'm pretty out of the loop too. It's hard to believe she's gone.
I also am going to a wedding on saturday, which should be interesting. It'll be great to see my dad though, and then hopefully Kat!!

That's about all for now. <3

First fire drill of the year.... today.
First fire of the year..... tonight.
These residents are ridiculous.

I made nachos today with Jared. and then we chilled in bed until i had class and he got warmer. It's crazy how much the temperature dropped just after having such a high heat wave for like a week or two in a row.

Now i just need to find someone to jump in a pool with when it's cold.

Things can change so much in a week or two. Ugh this place will either break me or help me grow. The bad part is that i hate being alone but i'm starting to get back into the groove of things. LA is so different from norcal things. I also have this guy i'm sort of dating but i'm not sure how i want that to pan out. He's interesting but we're so new to each other it's weird haha. I've also been hanging with Hakim a bunch...haha yeah he's back in the picture and amazingly were still really close friends almost to the exact point of where we were before drama happened. My right side and me don't see eye to eye so much anymore. Meagan is freakin hilarious but sometimes it's not cool because she'll call people out who she doesn't really know and it kind of irks me (Ryan shush!!). Besides that the heat is UNBEARABLE! haha which is ridiculous haha i mean i probably couldn't wear a jacket now if i tried.

Everything is always different when i come down here. I've gone to citywalk, ate at the hardrock, took a picture, watched G.I. Joe, gotten drunk to a point where i dunno how i got home or when, Saw my cousin, have a crush, hung out with eric f., had a dorm kick back, boughten liquor, ordered a feast for seven people, let crips in my room :/, went swimming, gone to every class on time, bought my books, put pictures on my wall, went to a welcome matador event, lost my phone, and of course heard a couple of bad pick-up lines from guys around the dorms.

wow. two hour close tonight with only two people. at least it didn't feel that long and i got a free salad out of it. one more day (i picked up an extra shift). four more hours and i'm scott free!! Also saw Susana today :) she's pretty epic

family bbq for my brother tomorrow. Since he's traveling the world and all in like a week or two. (more like teaching on a different continent.) i'm jealous. he's still out of the house right now and my parents have said nothing. I want to be out of the house... but all my closest friends are out of town... or moved *cough (kat). lol so i shall have to wait. I really don't want to clean my room again, but i need to since i just finished laundry. Also last day of work tomorrow. Life is just passing by at this point. I need to get in shape again. i haven't been to the gym in ages. Also need to pick up a book and a new camera before being a student kicks in. Also am going to start packing tuesday. And i still have a bruise on my arm from donating. It kind of freaks me out because it's so dark. Also chopped my hair again yesterday... err Thursday. i'm not too sure if i like it this short.

On another note Stacey woke up!!!!! so ecstatic about that. i hope she makes a full and speedy recovery. i'm just so awed at this point it's ridiculous!!!.

Visited aaron with nina today. It was chill. Something happened to my mood though, and i'm not quite sure what. I have questions but i don't believe i'm in a position to ask them. At the moment i don't feel very important :/. Some days can be good days with bad moods.

I just realized how important my close friends can be (well of course i've realized this before... but in a different sense).

i light weight miss my longer hair. ugh.... i'm a mess.

There is nothing more beautifully deceitful than a girl caught in her own dreams. Spun around like a princess waiting to get shot down. And as I say this there's a cloud looming in the distance. I've got dreams in mind but no fairy godmother to help me carry it out. The clock turned past twelve four years ago. I gave up waiting for a person to come cradling my glass slipper. I've cried too many moons in a row and i can't wait till the sun starts to shine so that I can have another one of those clear blue skies that i've been wishing on the wishing well for all these days.

i want to move move move before i go crazy. i hate when my parents tell me near the end how close i would have been [to bringing my car] if i wouldn't have spent as much for the past week. i mean really! why don't they just tell me the expected outcomes before hand. My mom said she didn't want to put pressure on me. THAT'S BULL SH*T! and she knows it.

Just went on an SF trip with Cory... fun times!! haha Plus La pinata food is okay....nothing too exciting =/

mmmm summer. As much responsibility as i have with this summer (job and classes) i still don't think it's taking over my life (which may be a good or bad thing depending on if i get good grades). It's been good though. I've finally hung out with people i haven't seen or talked to in hella days and nothing is really awkward... to me. It's kind of funny how people view you and then keep those views of you and then you come back and something has definitely changed. The good part is it's not an awkward fit really. Some things i'm cool with while other things i have like no tolerance.

need.to.get.out.NOW.

It was all calm and good. hanging out was like coming back home from a long trip. Your movements brought smiles to my face and sounds of joy out of my mouth. It settled my heart and calmed my mind. Saying bye is never fun but i knew i would see you again soon. The only bad part is that we'd be drifting apart soon. Apart as in hours more than lifetimes. And for that i would wait until our next hang time will be. :)

Camping was AMAZING! minus my new 14 mosquito bites =P. We headed out of fremont at 7am! yeah hella early considering were usually always late. We didn't get to Yosemite directly because the signs on the 580 freeway suck so we drove an extra like...hour and a half. Then we got to the park and got in by 12pm. and then searched for almost 3 hours for a place to get campgrounds. We found one on the Nevada outskirts of Tioga area. And wound up camping next to three Brits who helped us build a fire, inflate a mattress, cook breakfast, and entertain us with their accents. It was totally fun! until the next day when they left to go hiking and through death valley. But yeah everything that day went well then Nina, Aurora, Kiersten and I went on two hikes. One to a "Soda Springs" and the other to "Dog Lake" had some fun times there then headed in....

To be Continued (hella tired since I just got in)

Heading out to go camping tomorrow. My mood can switch in a snap these days so hopefully i get out of that whack. i'm hella excited! but hella scared. The group of four of us is so unprepared. I don't even know why my parents would let me camp but not go to SB. That makes no sense what so ever. I'm hoping i'll come back in one piece haha. maybe a little tanner too.